Why your friends don't want you to lose weight

Every group of friends needs a 'fat one'. Craig Morris explains how to make sure it isn't you

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The Goonies had Chunk, Take That had Gary Barlow, the college fraternity of Robot House from Futurama had Fat Bot and your mates have, um, you.

Sorry, but it seems to be an unshakeable cliché that every group of friends needs a Fat One; someone to be the lovable, chubby butt of all the pie jokes; to make the other members of the group look and feel slimmer in comparison. So what happens when you decide to lose weight and decide you no longer want to be that person?

The people you work with, live with and socialise with can have a huge impact on your weight loss, because they have the power to inform everything from your diet and fitness regime to your self-esteem. This can be a real positive if they’re cheering you on, but the danger arises when this power is wielded irresponsibly. As Men’s Health Forum editor Martin Tod puts it, “Men are less likely to recognise that they’re overweight than women – and less likely to consider being overweight a risk to their health – so male friends will probably start off less than sympathetic.”

The problem may be that your mates don’t want you to lose weight. This problem tends to manifest itself in one of three ways. The first, and easiest to recognise, is bullying. Because social occasions for groups of male friends tend to revolve around food and alcohol, a positive change in behaviour for one member of the group can serve to highlight the extravagant behaviour of the rest. As Martin Tod says, “Sometimes it's easier to make a joke about someone who's trying to lose weight than to confront that you might need to do it yourself.”

It’s all too easy to chalk this stuff up as friendly banter, but as Tod warns, banter can be harmful and counterproductive. When your mates are mocking you for ordering salad at the steakhouse or struggling to do your first sit-up, they’re bullying you every bit as much as when they used to get you to perform the Truffle Shuffle back in school. As Tod advises, this behaviour stems from a psychology of hierarchy that exists in male peer groups. If the alpha male types become threatened it’s natural to respond to a threat with increased aggression; albeit that tends to be passive aggression rather than pinning you down and scenting you with their urine (if that happens, you definitely need new mates).

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The second, slightly less obvious way in which your mates can ruin your diet is misplaced advocacy. This is where your friends, seemingly with their hearts in the right place, belittle your lifestyle choices by insisting that having dessert “won’t kill you”, or telling you with cast-iron certainty that you need to do P90X or you don’t stand a chance.

Registered Dietician Aisling Pigott of the British Dietetic Association explains that in this behaviour stems from social politeness, “It’s the desire to ensure our mates don’t go without,” she says. “It’s the reason we continue to offer that extra lager or bag of chips, even if they are aware that the person is trying to lose weight.”

From Tod’s perspective, the problem is that men tend to prefer to be more proactive than reactive; we prefer to weigh in with our own opinions and be problem-solvers, rather than be supportive good listeners. All well and good when we have expert knowledge of a given subject, but we’re all too happy to blag it when we don’t know what we’re talking about.

The third, manifestation of your mates not supporting you is pure-and-simple apathy. It’s unlikely that your social circle will consciously aim to sabotage your efforts (see the note about urine above if so), but the bottom line is that people don’t like change and will usually do anything to maintain the status quo, so if you find that your mates are ribbing you for the “rabbit food” on your plate, or for cutting down on the lager and pub snacks, or for the way you look in your sweatpants, it’s important that you understand their motives. Once you realise that this behaviour says more about them than it does you, you’ll be able to look at ways to combat it.

So, once you understand the negative effect your friends are having on your weight loss, what can you do about it?

Solution: Cut negative people out of your life

Let’s start with the bullies. The extreme solution would be to cut these people out of your life. It’s like your mum always said, if they were your real friends they would understand and support you. Assuming they have some redeeming characteristics, the answer here would be to accept that support isn’t their strong suit and simply put the worst offenders on the back burner for a while, until your diet is more firmly on course. If you can’t cut them out, dilute them – think of the positive people in your life and drop them a text about a game of squash.

Solution: Understand where they’re coming from

The key to this, as with all bullying, is to recognise that it’s all about self-esteem. When your mates are belting out “Who Ate All the Pies?” the object is not to make you feel bad, but to make themselves feel good. We each carry our own personal feelings of inadequacy and the secret is that we’re all pretty much as crazy as each other and they’ll have their own concerns they don’t want highlighting. When you start to lose weight the bully now begins to fear that the focus will turn to his baldness, shortness, and/or inability to pronounce the letter ‘R’.

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Solution: Watch your language

Start talking about your weight loss efforts in a different way. Martin Tod suggests that some of the negative associations men hold with dieting might simply be about the terms we use. “You’re probably more likely to have the piss taken out of you if you say you’re dieting than if you say you’re getting fit. Men aren’t too keen on the ‘D’ word” - perhaps because products like Diet Coke are marketed so squarely at women, making a diet a somewhat emasculating prospect for a bloke.”

Instead, focus on your exercise regime and how much stronger and fitter you’re getting. Focus on the foods that are enabling you to smash through your personal bests. You’re beefing up on protein to increase your lean muscle mass and you’re balancing all the cardio by massively increasing your nutrient intake with vitamin-rich foods. Throw in some impressive-sounding terms and a statistic or two and they’ll be hooked.

Solution: Get honest and explain why you need this to work

Guys who have a healthy relationship with food never understand the rest of us who don’t. The men who claim they can “eat anything and never put on any weight” don’t have some kind of superhuman metabolism; they just don’t know what it means to truly overeat; habitually, without heed. Explain how you feel about it. Tell your mates that you can’t give yourself an inch without taking a mile; that allowing yourself to let the diet slip for a day can set you down a slippery slope. If you decide that placating them is the easier option all round, plan ahead so you can fit the odd treat into your lifestyle without blowing the whole thing and jumping crazed into a Scrooge McDuck-style vault full of chocolate coins.

Solution: Involve your friends in your weight loss

This brings us to the final tactic you can employ to get all of your friends onside, no matter which category they fall into, and that’s getting them involved. Martin Tod says, “Your mates can be a great support - particularly if they decide to join you in tackling their weight and improving their fitness as well.” This could be something as simple as getting them competitive and organising a kick-about before the pub, or it could be something monumental, like training together for an actual marathon and raising a few sovs for a charity close to your hearts.

Aisling Pigott explains that you might also want to find a new HQ. With 1g of alcohol containing almost as many calories as 1g of fat, alcohol is a diet-killer for many reasons. “Despite being very energy dense, alcohol stimulates most peoples’ appetites, leading to feelings of hunger. And because alcohol lowers our inhibitions, this in combination with stimulating appetite often leads to a trip down to the kebab shop.”

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The “Friend Diet”: How Your Social Circle Can Help You Lose Weight

Did you know that if your two best friends are fat, you’re 150% more likely to be fat, too?

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Obesity spreads like a cold or the flu. The Framingham Heart Study–data on the health and well-being of people in the town of Framingham, Massachusetts, spanning three generations back to 1948–shows that people with a friend who became clinically obese were 57 percent more likely to become obese, too.

Astonishingly, you don’t even have to know someone to be influenced by them. In Framingham, people whose friend’s got fat were 20 percent more likely to gain weight, too!

The research–by Harvard’s Nicholas A. Christakis and UC San Diego’s James H. Fowler, authors of “Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How they Shape Our Lives”–shows the powerful influence of social networks on our health.

What–if anything–can you do to ensure the social influences shaping you are healthy ones?

• Join a group of Active People. A walking group, a sports team, even a gardening club–all these are likely to help you build the kinds of friendships that will encourage an active, healthy life. Your local chapter of the Sierra Club will likely have organized physical activities likes hikes, skiing, and camping trips. Just show up–you’re sure to meet people who will encourage you to stay active.

• Find a Healthy Mentor. Blogger Jeff Goins recommends the following steps: 1. find someone you want to be like; 2. study him to see what his habits are; and 3. take your time before making the request. But it doesn’t stop there–one of the most important steps is to show appreciation for all that your mentor does.

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• Date Someone Active. You mate has a huge effect on your behavior. One study in Israel showed that the wives of men who were participating in a weight loss program lost weight themselves when they learned about the diet—even though they weren’t officially dieting. If you don’t have a partner, find one! Websites like eHarmony.com can be a great resource. If you struggle with dating, hire a coach—someone like Evan Marc Katz 

Turns out that weight gain (or loss) isn’t the only thing we “catch” from our friends.  Smoking, excessive drinking, tendency to divorce and even unhappiness are also contagious.  So, know that your friends impact you–and if you don’t have enough of the good ones, go on a Healthy Friend Diet!

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Can social media help you lose weight?

Using Facebook or Twitter can help you to lose weight. Here's how.

Want to lose weight? There's no longer any need to head to your local weight-loss support group. Just go online. The rise of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter means you can go to cyberspace for diet and fitness support. We spend about 3.6 hours online every day, messaging, updating and tweeting. There are 50 million messages tweeted every day. Twitter, an instant message-style website that allows you to notify your "followers" of every thought or action in 25 words or less, can help you use your network to support your weight loss.

Researchers at Brown University in the US found dieters who received weekly advice from therapists online lost three times as much weight in six months as those who didn't receive advice. And a report in the Journal Of The American Medical Association on the largest weight-loss maintenance study to date found a combination of personal contact and web-based support is crucial for long-term weight management.

"Twitter succeeds as a weight-loss tool because it's personal and accessible," personal trainer Amelia Burton says. She trains her clients via Twitter and motivates hundreds with her advice.

Online supporters

"The phenomenon we're seeing with the advent of Facebook, eBay and Twitter is an individual's ability to create their own brand through the messages and photos they post," says Simon Bell, a marketing and social media expert at the University of Melbourne.

Bell says by considering ourselves a brand, we're creating a reputation that we need to stand by. "If you are tweeting about your diet to your followers, then you have a responsibility to maintain a level of integrity," he says. "We're no longer answerable to our five friends and family members if we fall off the dieting wagon, we're answerable to our hundred virtual supporters."

Tweeting is, in effect, an online food diary that others can see and comment on

"Keeping a food diary helps you keep track of what you're eating and to realise what foods you're missing out on," says Tara Diversi, spokeswoman for the Dietitians Association of Australia.

According to a US study, keeping a food diary can double a person's weight loss

A virtual food diary was the inspiration for Alex Ressi founding his website, Tweet What You Eat. Ressi established the site as part of his efforts to lose three kilograms. He wanted to create an easy-to-use food diary that would hold him accountable to family and friends.

"The support I was getting online kept me to my program. It was like having a team of personal trainers to answer to every day," Ressi says.

His website now boasts 35,000 registered users and an average weight loss of 4.5 kilograms, although there are several stories of weight loss of 31 kilograms.

"Our users are honest about what they are eating, as the feedback they receive is unconditional," Ressi says. "If they eat something they shouldn't, they receive encouragement to forget about it and keep eating healthily. It's like having a local weight-loss support group, but our members are all over the world."

A BBC study found online networking can help people lose weight in the long term. The study, published in the British Medical Journal, found that people who followed an online weight-loss program lost more weight than those who didn't use the internet for their support. And after six months, 45 per cent of those with online support had maintained their weight loss, while the second group had gained weight.

So is online social networking the secret that has been missing when it comes to Australia's obesity problem? Or is it the 21st-century version of the gym membership that never gets used?

"Taking part is the secret," Bell says. "The beauty of sites like Facebook and Twitter is their ability to create 'swift trust', where we arrive at a trusting relationship quickly by 'friending' and 'following' others. If you have followers, there's an obligation not to let them down."

A worldwide web of supporters may be the motivation you need to get those running shoes on. After turning down that biscuit, of course.

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Best Diet Tips Ever -- 22 Ways to Stay on Track

Tip No. 1: Drink plenty of water or other calorie-free beverages.

Before you tear into that bag of potato chips, drink a glass of water first. People sometimes confuse thirst with hunger, so you can end up eating extra calories when an ice-cold glass of water is really all you needed. If plain water doesn't cut it, try drinking flavored sparkling water or brewing a cup of fruit-infused herbal tea.

Tip No. 2: Be choosy about nighttime snacks.

Mindless eating occurs most frequently after dinner, when you finally sit down and relax. Snacking in front of the TV is one of the easiest ways to throw your diet off course. Either close down the kitchen after a certain hour, or allow yourself a low-calorie snack, like a 100-calorie pack of cookies or a half-cup scoop of low-fat ice cream.

Tip No. 3: Enjoy your favorite foods.

Instead of cutting out your favorite foods altogether, be a slim shopper. Buy one fresh bakery cookie instead of a box, or a small portion of candy from the bulk bins instead of a whole bag. You can still enjoy your favorite foods -- the key is moderation.

Tip No. 4: Eat several mini-meals during the day.

If you eat fewer calories than you burn, you'll lose weight. But when you're hungry all the time, eating fewer calories can be a challenge. "Studies show people who eat 4-5 meals or snacks per day are better able to control their appetite and weight," says obesity researcher Rebecca Reeves, DrPH, RD. She recommends dividing your daily calories into smaller meals or snacks and enjoying most of them earlier in the day -- dinner should be the last time you eat.

Tip No. 5: Eat protein at every meal.

Protein is the ultimate fill-me-up food -- it's more satisfying than carbs or fats and keeps you feeling full for longer. It also helps preserve muscle mass and encourages fat burning. So be sure to incorporate healthy proteins like seafood, lean meat, egg whites, yogurt, cheese, soy, nuts, or beans into your meals and snacks.

Tip No. 6: Spice it up.

Add spices or chilies to your food for a flavor boost that can help you feel satisfied. "Food that is loaded with flavor will stimulate your taste buds and be more satisfying, so you won’t eat as much," says American Dietetic Association spokeswoman Malena Perdomo, RD. When you need something sweet, suck on a red-hot fireball candy. It's sweet, spicy, and low in calories.

Tip No. 7: Stock your kitchen with healthy, convenient foods.

Having ready-to-eat snacks and meals-in-minutes on hand sets you up for success. You'll be less likely to hit the drive-through or order a pizza if you can throw together a healthy meal in five or 10 minutes. Here are some essentials to keep on hand: frozen vegetables, whole-grain pasta, reduced-fat cheese, canned tomatoes, canned beans, pre-cooked grilled chicken breast, whole grain tortillas or pitas, and bags of salad greens.

Tip No. 8: Order children's portions at restaurants.

Ordering a child-size entree is a great way to cut calories and keep your portions reasonable. This has become such a popular trend that most servers won't bat an eye when you order off the kids' menu. Another trick is to use smaller plates. This helps the portions look like more, and if your mind is satisfied, your stomach likely will be, too.

Tip No. 9: Swap a cup of pasta for a cup of vegetables.

Simply by eating less pasta or bread and more veggies, you could lose a dress or pants size in a year. "You can save from 100-200 calories if you reduce the portion of starch on your plate and increase the amount of vegetables," says Cynthia Sass, RD, a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association.

Tip No. 10: Always eat breakfast.

It seems like an easy diet win: Skip breakfast and you'll lose weight. Yet many studies show the opposite can be true. Not eating breakfast can make you hungry later, leading to too much nibbling and binge eating at lunch and dinner. To lose weight -- and keep it off -- always make time for a healthy morning meal, like high-fiber cereal, low-fat milk, and fruit.

Tip No. 11: Include fiber in your diet.

Fiber aids digestion, prevents constipation, and lowers cholesterol -- and can help with weight loss. Most Americans get only half the fiber they need. To reap fiber's benefits, most women should get about 25 grams daily, while men need about 38 grams -- or 14 grams per 1,000 calories. Good fiber sources include oatmeal, beans, whole grain foods, and a variety of fruits and vegetables.

Tip No. 12: Clean the cupboards of fattening foods.

If you have chips in the pantry and ice cream in the freezer, you're making weight loss harder than it has to be. Reduce temptation by purging the cupboards of fattening foods. Want an occasional treat? Make sure you have to leave the house to get it -- preferably by walking.

Tip No. 13: Lose weight slowly.

If you're losing weight but not as fast as you'd like, don't get discouraged. Dropping pounds takes time, just like gaining them did. Experts suggest setting a realistic weight loss goal of about one to two pounds a week. If you set your expectations too high, you may give up when you don’t lose weight fast enough. Remember, you start seeing health benefits when you've lost just 5%-10% of your body weight.

Tip No. 14: Weigh yourself once a week.

People who weigh themselves regularly tend to have more weight loss success. But most experts suggest weighing yourself only once a week, so you're not derailed by daily fluctuations. When you weigh yourself, follow these tips: Weigh yourself at the same time of day, on the same day of the week, on the same scale, and in the same clothes.

Tip No. 15: Get enough sleep.

When you're sleep deprived, your body overproduces the appetite-stimulating hormone ghrelin but under-produces the hormone leptin, which tells you when you're full. Getting enough sleep may make you feel rested and full and keep you from doing unnecessary snacking.

Tip No. 16: Understand portion sizes.

We're so used to super-sizing when we eat out that it's easy to carry that mind-set home. To right-size your diet, use a kitchen scale and measuring cups to measure your meals for a week or two. Use smaller plates and glasses to downsize your portions. Split restaurant servings in half -- making two meals out of one big one. Portion out snack servings instead of eating them directly from the container.

Tip No. 17: Eat more fruits and vegetables.

The best "diet" is one where you get to eat more food, not less. If you eat more fruits and vegetables, you shouldn't feel as hungry because these nutrient-rich foods are also high in fiber and water, which can give you a feeling of fullness. Snacking can be a good thing as long as you choose smart snacks.

Tip No. 18: Limit alcohol to weekends.

Alcohol contains empty calories: a five-ounce glass of wine has 125, a bottle of beer about 153. Because our bodies don't use those calories well, they usually get converted directly into fat. If you enjoy an occasional drink, consider a compromise. Enjoy your favorite alcoholic beverage on weekends only, with just one drink for women per day, two for men.

Tip No. 19: Chew sugarless gum.

The next time you want to grab a fattening snack, reach for some sugar-free gum instead. Chewing some types of gum gives you fresh breath and can also help manage hunger, control snack cravings, and aid in weight loss. (Keep in mind, however, that excess sorbitol, a sugar alcohol sometimes used in low calorie gums, can have an laxative effect in some people.) Although gum might make you eat less, it doesn't mean you can stop eating right. A good diet and exercise are still important.

Tip No. 20: Keep a food diary.

A simple pen and paper can dramatically boost your weight loss. Studies show the act of writing down what you eat and drink tends to make you more aware of what, when, and how much you're consuming -- leading you to ultimately take in fewer calories. One study found that people who kept a food diary six days a week lost about twice as much as those who only kept a diary one day a week or less.

Tip No. 21: Celebrate success (but not with food).

You lost five pounds this month and walked every other day? Time to celebrate! Rewarding weight loss success really can encourage more success, so revel in your achievements. Buy a CD, take in a movie, and set a prize for the next milestone. Just don't celebrate with a sundae or deep dish pizza.

Tip No. 22: Get help from family and friends.

Getting support can help you reach your weight loss goals. So tell family and friends about your efforts to lead a healthy lifestyle. Maybe they'll join you in exercising, eating right, and losing weight. When you feel like giving up, they'll help you, keep you honest, and cheer you on -- making the whole experience a lot easier.

Source
http://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-best-diet-tips-ever

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Why stress causes people to overeat

There is much truth behind the phrase “stress eating.” Stress, the hormones it unleashes, and the effects of high-fat, sugary “comfort foods” push people toward overeating. Researchers have linked weight gain to stress, and according to an American Psychological Association survey, about one-fourth of Americans rate their stress level as 8 or more on a 10-point scale.

In the short term, stress can shut down appetite. A structure in the brain called the hypothalamus produces corticotropin-releasing hormone, which suppresses appetite. The brain also sends messages to the adrenal glands atop the kidneys to pump out the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline). Epinephrine helps trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response, a revved-up physiological state that temporarily puts eating on hold.

But if stress persists, it’s a different story. The adrenal glands release another hormone called cortisol, and cortisol increases appetite and may also ramp up motivation in general, including the motivation to eat. Once a stressful episode is over, cortisol levels should fall, but if the stress doesn’t go away — or if a person’s stress response gets stuck in the “on” position — cortisol may stay elevated.

Fat and sugar cravings

Stress also seems to affect food preferences. Numerous studies — granted, many of them in animals — have shown that physical or emotional distress increases the intake of food high in fat, sugar, or both. High cortisol levels, in combination with high insulin levels, may be responsible. Other research suggests that ghrelin, a “hunger hormone,” may have a role.

Once ingested, fat- and sugar-filled foods seem to have a feedback effect that inhibits activity in the parts of the brain that produce and process stress and related emotions. These foods really are “comfort” foods in that they seem to counteract stress — and this may contribute to people’s stress-induced craving for those foods.

Of course, overeating isn’t the only stress-related behavior that can add pounds. Stressed people also lose sleep, exercise less, and drink more alcohol, all of which can contribute to excess weight.

Gender differences

Some research suggests a gender difference in stress-coping behavior, with women being more likely to turn to food and men to alcohol or smoking. And a Finnish study that included over 5,000 men and women showed that obesity was associated with stress-related eating in women but not in men.

Harvard researchers have reported that stress from work and other sorts of problems correlates with weight gain, but only in those who were overweight at the beginning of the study period. One theory is that overweight people have elevated insulin levels, and stress-related weight gain is more likely to occur in the presence of high insulin.

How much cortisol people produce in response to stress may also factor into the stress–weight gain equation. In 2007, British researchers designed an ingenious study that showed that people who responded to stress with high cortisol levels in an experimental setting were more likely to snack in response to daily hassles in their regular lives than low-cortisol responders.

Steps to counter stress snacking

When stress affects someone’s appetite and waistline, the individual can forestall further weight gain by ridding the refrigerator and cupboards of high-fat, sugary foods. Keeping those “comfort foods” handy is just inviting trouble.

Here are some other suggestions for countering stress:

Meditation. Countless studies show that meditation reduces stress, although much of the research has focused on high blood pressure and heart disease. Meditation may also help people become more mindful of food choices. With practice, a person may be able to pay better attention to the impulse to grab a fat- and sugar-loaded comfort food and inhibit the impulse.

Exercise. Intense exercise increases cortisol levels temporarily, but low-intensity exercise seems to reduce them. University of California researchers reported that exercise — and this was vigorous exercise — may blunt some of the negative effects of stress. Some activities, such as yoga and tai chi, have elements of both exercise and meditation.

Social support. Friends, family, and other sources of social support seem to have a buffering effect on the stress that people experience. For example, research suggests that people working in stressful situations, like hospital emergency departments, have better mental health if they have adequate social support. But even people who live and work in situations where the stakes aren’t as high need help from time to time from friends and family.

Source
http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/why-stress-causes-people-to-overeat
Reference

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Manzoni GM, et al. “Can Relaxation Training Reduce Emotional Eating in Women with Obesity?”Journal of the American Dietetic Association (Aug. 2009): Vol. 109, No. 8, pp. 1427–32.

Mathes WF, et al. “The Biology of Binge Eating,” Appetite (June 2009): Vol. 52, No. 3, pp. 545–53.

Spencer SJ, et al. “The Glucocorticoid Contribution to Obesity,” Stress (Feb. 6, 2011): Vol. 14, No. 3, pp. 233–46.

Vicennati V, et al. “Stress-Related Development of Obesity and Cortisol in Women,” Obesity(Sept. 2009): Vol. 17, No. 9, pp. 1678–83.