Why your friends don't want you to lose weight

Every group of friends needs a 'fat one'. Craig Morris explains how to make sure it isn't you

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The Goonies had Chunk, Take That had Gary Barlow, the college fraternity of Robot House from Futurama had Fat Bot and your mates have, um, you.

Sorry, but it seems to be an unshakeable cliché that every group of friends needs a Fat One; someone to be the lovable, chubby butt of all the pie jokes; to make the other members of the group look and feel slimmer in comparison. So what happens when you decide to lose weight and decide you no longer want to be that person?

The people you work with, live with and socialise with can have a huge impact on your weight loss, because they have the power to inform everything from your diet and fitness regime to your self-esteem. This can be a real positive if they’re cheering you on, but the danger arises when this power is wielded irresponsibly. As Men’s Health Forum editor Martin Tod puts it, “Men are less likely to recognise that they’re overweight than women – and less likely to consider being overweight a risk to their health – so male friends will probably start off less than sympathetic.”

The problem may be that your mates don’t want you to lose weight. This problem tends to manifest itself in one of three ways. The first, and easiest to recognise, is bullying. Because social occasions for groups of male friends tend to revolve around food and alcohol, a positive change in behaviour for one member of the group can serve to highlight the extravagant behaviour of the rest. As Martin Tod says, “Sometimes it's easier to make a joke about someone who's trying to lose weight than to confront that you might need to do it yourself.”

It’s all too easy to chalk this stuff up as friendly banter, but as Tod warns, banter can be harmful and counterproductive. When your mates are mocking you for ordering salad at the steakhouse or struggling to do your first sit-up, they’re bullying you every bit as much as when they used to get you to perform the Truffle Shuffle back in school. As Tod advises, this behaviour stems from a psychology of hierarchy that exists in male peer groups. If the alpha male types become threatened it’s natural to respond to a threat with increased aggression; albeit that tends to be passive aggression rather than pinning you down and scenting you with their urine (if that happens, you definitely need new mates).

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The second, slightly less obvious way in which your mates can ruin your diet is misplaced advocacy. This is where your friends, seemingly with their hearts in the right place, belittle your lifestyle choices by insisting that having dessert “won’t kill you”, or telling you with cast-iron certainty that you need to do P90X or you don’t stand a chance.

Registered Dietician Aisling Pigott of the British Dietetic Association explains that in this behaviour stems from social politeness, “It’s the desire to ensure our mates don’t go without,” she says. “It’s the reason we continue to offer that extra lager or bag of chips, even if they are aware that the person is trying to lose weight.”

From Tod’s perspective, the problem is that men tend to prefer to be more proactive than reactive; we prefer to weigh in with our own opinions and be problem-solvers, rather than be supportive good listeners. All well and good when we have expert knowledge of a given subject, but we’re all too happy to blag it when we don’t know what we’re talking about.

The third, manifestation of your mates not supporting you is pure-and-simple apathy. It’s unlikely that your social circle will consciously aim to sabotage your efforts (see the note about urine above if so), but the bottom line is that people don’t like change and will usually do anything to maintain the status quo, so if you find that your mates are ribbing you for the “rabbit food” on your plate, or for cutting down on the lager and pub snacks, or for the way you look in your sweatpants, it’s important that you understand their motives. Once you realise that this behaviour says more about them than it does you, you’ll be able to look at ways to combat it.

So, once you understand the negative effect your friends are having on your weight loss, what can you do about it?

Solution: Cut negative people out of your life

Let’s start with the bullies. The extreme solution would be to cut these people out of your life. It’s like your mum always said, if they were your real friends they would understand and support you. Assuming they have some redeeming characteristics, the answer here would be to accept that support isn’t their strong suit and simply put the worst offenders on the back burner for a while, until your diet is more firmly on course. If you can’t cut them out, dilute them – think of the positive people in your life and drop them a text about a game of squash.

Solution: Understand where they’re coming from

The key to this, as with all bullying, is to recognise that it’s all about self-esteem. When your mates are belting out “Who Ate All the Pies?” the object is not to make you feel bad, but to make themselves feel good. We each carry our own personal feelings of inadequacy and the secret is that we’re all pretty much as crazy as each other and they’ll have their own concerns they don’t want highlighting. When you start to lose weight the bully now begins to fear that the focus will turn to his baldness, shortness, and/or inability to pronounce the letter ‘R’.

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Solution: Watch your language

Start talking about your weight loss efforts in a different way. Martin Tod suggests that some of the negative associations men hold with dieting might simply be about the terms we use. “You’re probably more likely to have the piss taken out of you if you say you’re dieting than if you say you’re getting fit. Men aren’t too keen on the ‘D’ word” - perhaps because products like Diet Coke are marketed so squarely at women, making a diet a somewhat emasculating prospect for a bloke.”

Instead, focus on your exercise regime and how much stronger and fitter you’re getting. Focus on the foods that are enabling you to smash through your personal bests. You’re beefing up on protein to increase your lean muscle mass and you’re balancing all the cardio by massively increasing your nutrient intake with vitamin-rich foods. Throw in some impressive-sounding terms and a statistic or two and they’ll be hooked.

Solution: Get honest and explain why you need this to work

Guys who have a healthy relationship with food never understand the rest of us who don’t. The men who claim they can “eat anything and never put on any weight” don’t have some kind of superhuman metabolism; they just don’t know what it means to truly overeat; habitually, without heed. Explain how you feel about it. Tell your mates that you can’t give yourself an inch without taking a mile; that allowing yourself to let the diet slip for a day can set you down a slippery slope. If you decide that placating them is the easier option all round, plan ahead so you can fit the odd treat into your lifestyle without blowing the whole thing and jumping crazed into a Scrooge McDuck-style vault full of chocolate coins.

Solution: Involve your friends in your weight loss

This brings us to the final tactic you can employ to get all of your friends onside, no matter which category they fall into, and that’s getting them involved. Martin Tod says, “Your mates can be a great support - particularly if they decide to join you in tackling their weight and improving their fitness as well.” This could be something as simple as getting them competitive and organising a kick-about before the pub, or it could be something monumental, like training together for an actual marathon and raising a few sovs for a charity close to your hearts.

Aisling Pigott explains that you might also want to find a new HQ. With 1g of alcohol containing almost as many calories as 1g of fat, alcohol is a diet-killer for many reasons. “Despite being very energy dense, alcohol stimulates most peoples’ appetites, leading to feelings of hunger. And because alcohol lowers our inhibitions, this in combination with stimulating appetite often leads to a trip down to the kebab shop.”

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Why Your Friends Can Be Bad For Your Weight

Being overweight is often viewed as a failure of personal responsibility.

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“She just hasn’t tried hard enough.”

“He eats too much sugar and he knows it’s bad, but he won’t give it up.”

“Gosh, she’s reeeeally let herself go.”

While personal habits are part of the weight-loss equation, the idea that they’re the only factor is misguided.

“The notion that we are somehow islands when it comes to our weight simply isn’t true,” write Walter Willett and Malissa Wood in Thinfluence: The Powerful and Surprising Effect Friends, Family, Work, and Environment Have on Weight.

As hormonal and other physiological changes in midlife make unwanted pounds easier to put on than take off, it is important to remember that many other factors come into play, including how much money you make, local and national politics, the ubiquity of fast (and often unhealthy) foods, even the design of many homes (think of how many contemporary dining areas are outfitted with, or adjacent to, a television — a distraction that can cause you to unwittingly eat more than you think you have).

“We encounter influences like these and more every day,” the authors write. “They are often so commonplace and subtle, they have become invisible — until they hit our waistlines, that is. These ‘blind spots’ affect our efforts to lose or maintain our weight. And their impact is considerable.”

One of the major factors — and the emphasis of Willett's and Wood’s book — is who you hang out with. Social networks, their research says, play a significant role in weight.

Wood is a clinical cardiologist, staff physician at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and assistant professor of clinical medicine at Harvard Medical School. I talked with her about the power of "thinfluence" and what everyone needs know about maintaining a healthy weight in midlife.

Next Avenue: What is Thinfluence?

Wood: It is very hard to be the one person making a healthy change in a group of heavy people who like to eat and don’t like to exercise. But losing weight is isolating if you don’t engage other people in the process.

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If you want to lose weight, you need to find people who support that behavior. Most often, the friends you have who are overweight are not going to want to change. If you decide to break the norm, you will be isolated. You need to find even just one person in your circle who wants to do what you’re doing  — or find someone else outside that circle.

What hurdles do people face when they’re looking to surround themselves with more health-motivated friends?

Stigma deeply affects weight loss efforts because people are embarrassed to go out in public. I love when I see a really heavy person racing in an event; it takes a lot of strength to do that. I did a triathlon a few weeks ago and the last finisher was a 350-pound woman. To surround yourself with people so different is hard.

That is the basis of our book: We surround ourselves with people who are like us. So if people want to lose weight, they have to hang out with people different than themselves in order to get to a better place.

Some people say, “Sure, social networks might affect some people, but not me. Obesity just runs in my family.” What do you tell them?

Plenty of people have a family history of obesity and are not obese. The biggest thing is recognizing you have that risk and you have to work harder to avoid the downstream effect.

Epigenetics [the ability to influence gene expression through behavior and lifestyle modification] affects genes and weight. So it’s important to recognize that you’re at risk and change your behavior. You could consult an obesity specialist and say, ‘What are my options?’

What is unique about weight gain and weight loss in midlife?

I’m the perfect person to ask. I’m 51, and once you pass age 40, your body biology changes. And what worked in past — say, skipping a meal or two — doesn’t work. You have to eat regular meals and exercise.

Most people coast through their 40s; I recommend treating the 40s as a bootcamp for midlife. Start minimizing sugars and ramp up exercise because it will be easier when the 50s come. Eat a little less bread and fewer French fries. These small changes can have a huge impact, and a gradual change in your 40s is much easier than making a drastic change when you hit 50.

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If you find you’ve put on pounds in midlife, you need to be more aggressive about exercise. Look at each day and say, ‘Where do I have fifteen or twenty minutes today to fit in exercise?’

What you do ninety percent of the time affects your health; what you do ten percent of the time doesn’t. If you have a business dinner, you may think, ‘All bets are off.' No. Those things matter. If you stick with it most of the time, you will see the benefits, and those small changes will have a long lasting effect.

How can people find new social networks that support weight loss?

Whatever poor choices you make, you will gravitate toward people who make those same bad choices. But all it takes to change is one person. You just have to find one person.

Look at your friends: If they support better health, stick with them. If they’re keeping you from achieving better health or encouraging you to make choices that don’t support your health, then find new groups. Go to a race, bump into someone from your past, go walk the track in the morning.

You don’t have to abandon friends and family; you just need to have more support during change so you can achieve success.

Here’s an example: I went to do a race, but I hadn’t been exercising a lot before then. I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in 30 years. She hadn’t been exercising regularly much either. So we were like, ‘Let’s eat healthier and exercise together.’ It’s important to realize that people who will support you are out there; you just need to find them.

What one thing would you want everyone to walk away from this interview knowing?

It is never too late to change. One little step at time makes a huge difference, and within a year you can make substantial changes.

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Are Your Friends a Fat Influence?

Research shows that your ability to lose weight now 

hinges on who you hang out with

Chances are, you've dined with a friend and had a scenario like this unfold: You start salivating over the idea of ordering linguine carbonara, but tell yourself, Oh, I really shouldn't. Then your friend requests that very dish before snapping the menu shut and handing it to the waiter. "Make it two," you say. And there goes your diet.

Friends' health decisions have a funny way of rubbing off on us. So important is their power that the World Health Organization lists them as a determinant of health, as big a factor as genetics and income level. In fact, understanding how pals shape one another's health behavior has top billing in Healthy People 2010, the government's plan for improving national well-being.

Research has found that smoking, deciding to get the flu shot, and taking vitamins are all socially contagious behaviors. But where our friends have perhaps the most influence is on how much we eat, drink, and exercise.

The (Fudge) Ripple Effect
Having a buddy who packs on pounds makes you 57 percent more likely to do so yourself, according to the key findings of James Fowler, Ph.D., a professor at the University of California at San Diego, and Nicholas Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., a sociology professor at Harvard, who have studied social networks for 10 years. "Consciously or unconsciously, people look to others when deciding what and how much to eat, and how much weight is too much," says Fowler.

So while you weren't planning to even glance at the dessert menu, you might change your mind when everyone else orders brownie sundaes. In some cases, we may even seek out relationships that allow us to indulge, says Susan Bowerman, R.D., of UCLA's Center for Human Nutrition. "Many women have 'food friends' they can call up to say, 'I had a lousy day and some fried mozzarella sticks sure would make me feel better.'"

Your social circle influences your drinking habits too. Alcohol is a notorious diet buster (if you can resist a nacho after a margarita, bless you), and according to University of Pennsylvania researchers, drinking is among the "risk behaviors" that they found study participants were twice as likely to engage in if their friends did.

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Part of the reason we're so easily swayed may be hardwired. Gregory Berns, M.D., Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and economics at Emory University, found that when others influence us, the area of our brain that makes conscious decisions is not activated. Instead, the occipital lobe, where vision originates, lights up. Translation: We focus on what we see other people doing (like biting into a cupcake), not what we know is right for ourselves (biting into an apple).

Unhealthy Competition
Copycatting isn't always bad for your waistline. Research has found that you are just as likely to pick up good habits from pals. If everyone is ordering salad, do you want to be the one to splurge on a burger and fries? Same goes for booze. "We want to behave appropriately, to make a good impression on others," says Patricia Pliner, Ph.D., professor at the University of Toronto at Mississauga.

Sounds admirable, right? Well, there's often a subtext in these civilized dinner scenes. When two girlfriends are competitive with each other—over guys, work, grades—it can manifest at the table. Undereating is a form of one-upmanship. In her study, Pliner found that when women competed against each other in a variety of skills, those who thought they were losing chose lighter entrees than their rivals at lunchtime. "It was their way of winning," Pliner says. In another study, researchers found that even after being literally starved for more than 24 hours, women would consume only as much food (in some cases, as little as 300 calories) as their companions did.

Things can get especially ugly when friends try to sabotage each other—for instance, pressuring a dieting pal to go ahead and order those french fries or skip the gym. "We don't want to be reminded of our own struggles with weight by watching a healthy eater make careful choices," Bowerman says. "We want her to join our club."

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Set Your Own Agenda
Hanging with a calorie-conscious crew may keep you on the slim side, but what happens when you join a new club, move to a new town, or start a new job and begin socializing with a new group—one that eats fruit only if it's in a pie? Hint: You'll need to buy some new jeans. That's why it's important to get into the habit of making your own decisions about food. "Being aware of how others influence us is an important first step," says Brent McFerran, Ph.D., an assistant professor of marketing at the University of British Columbia. "If you recognize where you're likely to follow the crowd, you can correct your course." He recommends pre-committing to your meal when you can: Bring your lunch to work, or if you're eating out, be the one who orders first. You'll find that a little independence will keep you healthier and happier in the long run. 

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What is Weight Watchers? What are the benefits of Weight Watchers?

The Weight Watchers program includes regular meetings, learning sessions, group support, and a very effective points system.

This article is part of a series called What Are The Eight Most Popular Diets Today?.

About Weight Watchers founder, Jean Nidetch

Jean Nidetch was born in Brooklyn, New York, in 1923. She says she was an overweight homemaker - her term was 'housewife' - who was very partial to cookies. Nidetch had taken part in several fad diets, one of which was under the sponsorship of the New York City Board of Health.

She managed to lose 20 pounds (9 kilos), but was concerned her 'weak resolve' would mean a return to her previous body weight. Nidetch got in touch with several friends and started a support group.

This support group evolved and soon there were weekly classes - in 1963 Nidetch founded the Weight Watchers Organization.¹

In 1978, the food company H. J. Heinz bought Weight Watchers. Nidetch is still a consultant, and has set up numerous scholarship programs at the University of Nevada and the University of California (Los Angeles).

The thrust of the Weight Watcher's program is on regular meetings, monitoring and encouragement, through self-help group type sessions. The dieter aims for a target weight or BMI (body mass index) of between 20 and 25.

If your body mass index is below 20 you are considered as too thin, if it is over 25 your are overweight, if it is between 20 and 25 you are within the ideal weight range. People can aim for a BMI outside the 20 to 25 parameters as long as they have a doctor's note saying so.

The importance of support networks

Weight Watchers Inc. says that establishing a support network at the start of any weight-loss attempt is crucial for both short and long term success.

A dieter needs constant positive reinforcement. Attempting to lose weight can be a stressful ordeal for many dieters, and a support network can help make the process less daunting.

It could be possible that dieters' levels of cortisol, a hormone our bodies produce in times of mental stress, are higher when they do not join a support network. Research published in the journal Psychiatry² suggests "social support reduces stress-induced cortisol release."

Weight Watchers members will have regular meetings where they will learn about nutrition and exercise, as well as having their weight loss progress monitored.

Weight Watchers will accept any participant as long as they are at least 2.3kg (5lbs) over the minimum weight for their height.

Weight Watchers points system

The points system is considered by many as the easiest tool for a person who aims to lose weight over the long term. Dieters learn how to self monitor on a daily basis - thus making themselves accountable for each day.

A simple way to calculate points is (Calories + (Fat x 4) - (Fiber x 10)) / 50

Portions of foods are assigned points. If a food is high in fiber and/or low in fat it is worth fewer points. The higher the fiber content, or the lower the fat content, the more of that food you can eat each day.³

Dieters can either join a Weight Watchers program online or in person.

Typical points based on body weight

• Weight 150 lbs - points 18 to 23
• Weight 150 to 174 lbs - points 20 to 25
• Weight 175 to 199 lbs - points 22 to 27
• Weight 200 to 224 lbs - points 24 to 29
• Weight 225 to 249 lbs - points 26 to 31
• Weight 250 to 274 lbs - points 28 to 33
• Weight 275 to 299 lbs - points 29 to 34
• Weight 300 to 324 lbs - points 30 to 35
• Weight 325 to 349 lbs - points 31 to 36
• Weight >350 lbs - points 32 to 37

Maintenance period

When members reach their target weight they enter the maintenance period. For six weeks members gradually increase their food intake until they are neither losing nor putting on weight.

During these six weeks there are regular weigh-ins. If a member manages to stay within 0.91 kilos (2lbs) of his/her target weight during the six-week period, that person is then promoted to "Lifetime Member".

Lifetime Members can attend any Weight Watchers meeting free of charge as long as they weigh in once per month, and do not veer from their target weight by more than 0.91 kilos (2lbs).

Lifetime members who do drift from their weight target range have to pay weekly for meetings, and then recover their Lifetime membership by going through the process all over again.

Benefits of Weight Watchers

Researchers from the UK, Germany and Australia reported findings in The Lancet that patients who were referred by their doctors to Weight Watchers were found to lose about twice as much weight as those on standard weight loss care over a 12-month period.⁴

The authors of the study concluded:

"Referral by a primary health-care professional to a commercial weight loss programme that provides regular weighing, advice about diet and physical activity, motivation, and group support can offer a clinically useful early intervention for weight management in overweight and obese people that can be delivered at large scale."

Another study, published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, found that after a 6-month Weight Watchers group program, overweight or obese adults who attended at least two thirds of the weekly sessions, not only lost weight, but also significantly reduced fasting glucose and insulin levels - important indicators of diabetes risk.⁵

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http://www.whattoexpect.com/forums/weight-loss-after-pregnancy/topic/weight-loss-incentives-rewards.html

Social Support & Weight Loss

Even if you're highly motivated when you start a weight-loss diet, sticking with it until you reach your goal is a challenge. Losing weight is even more difficult if your friends, spouse or children don't support your efforts. A good way to keep yourself inspired is to connect with other people who are dieting. Successful weight loss is strongly associated with social support, according to Psychology Today. There are many options available.

Nonprofit Support Groups

Join a nonprofit group in your community for weight-loss support. Take Off Pounds Sensibly, or TOPS, encourages a nutritionally sound diet and gradual weight loss. Members can attend weekly meetings for support and education. Members pay a fee but the program costs less than commercial programs, according to Colorado State University Extension. Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step group meeting for people who believe they overeat compulsively. It focuses on the mental and physical aspects of overeating and does not offer advice about food, diets or weight loss. No fees are charged. If these groups aren't available in your community, you can "attend" their meetings online.

Commercial Diet Program Support

You can find social support, motivation and education about diet and exercise at Weight Watchers, the commercial diet program known for its group meetings. The meetings are considered an important factor in the program's effectiveness, according to U.S. News Health. The Weight Watchers program is based on a balanced diet, exercise and gradual weight loss.

Internet Weight-Loss Communities

If you want social support for weight loss that is convenient or anonymous, consider joining a group on the Internet. Researchers who studied a large Internet weight loss community found active forum discussions with themes that included motivation, encouragement, shared experiences, friendly competition and recognition for success. This community played an important role in the weight loss efforts of its members, according to a study reported in the "International Journal of Medical Informatics."

Weight-Management Coaching

Partner with a weight-management coach for social support and motivation. A small study performed at the Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center at Miriam Hospital in Rhode Island found that dieters who were paired with a coach lost a significant amount of weight over six months. Surprisingly, they lost the same amount of weight whether the coach was a behavioral specialist or simply a peer who was also participating in the study. The support of another person who watches over you, holds you accountable and roots for your success can make a difference.

Support Through Social Media

Psychologist and weight-management expert Sherry Pagoto advises dieters to seek social support through social media. Consider starting your own blog or making use of Facebook or Twitter to find a supportive social circle of like-minded individuals. Create a free Facebook community page and post daily about your progress. Include links to articles, videos and recipes to add interest. People who "like" your page will receive regular updates. Starting a blog is another way to share your thoughts, challenges and progress with others as you lose weight. Over time you will attract readers and commenters, says Pagoto. Tweet or post your blog entries to Facebook to reach even more people.

Source
http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/social-support-weight-loss-8426.html
References

• International Journal of Medical Informatics: Social Support in an Internet Weight Loss Community
• Psychology Today: How Social Media Can Help You Lose Weight
• Time: Want to Lose Weight? A Coach or a Buddy Can Help Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/07/31/want-to-lose-weight-a-coach-or-a-buddy-can-help/#ixzz2M9TEsy1Y
• U.S. News Health: Health Buzz: Weight Watchers Is Effective
• Colorado State University Extension: Weight Loss Products and Programs

4 Ways Your Social Network Can Help You Slim Down

Research shows that everyone in your orbit can have a big influence on how much weight you gain or lose. Ensure that those closest to you tip the scale in your favor by following these simple guidelines.

Your BFF

A study in The New England Journal of Medicine found that your friends may increase your odds of gaining weight by 57 percent. "Women tend to match each other's behavior at the table," says Atlanta nutritionist Marisa Moore, R.D. Let your pal order first—she'll feel pressure to set a good example, and you'll likely follow her lead. And don't invite your whole clique— a recent study in the journal Appetite found that ladies who lunched with four friends averaged 150 calories more per meal than those who dined with three.

Your Dog

Walking your pooch will shrink your paunch. In a study at the University of Missouri-Columbia, volunteers who got 30 minutes of leash time five times a week dropped an average of 14 pounds in a year. On bad-weather days, play indoor games, like chasing your dog up and down the stairs, to help burn up his energy and your lunchtime burrito, suggests Robert Kushner, M.D., coauthor of Fitness Unleashed! A Dog and Owner's Guide to Losing Weight and Gaining Health Together.

Your Guy

Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that women who live with a romantic partner increase their risk of becoming obese by 63 percent, and those who marry more than double it. But couples also have an easier time taking weight off: Duke University researchers discovered that people were 50 percent more likely to start exercising if their partner joined them. Get your guy to work up a sweat with you by bike riding, running, or ice skating. And have him help out on the food front by cooking together at home. An FDA report found that eating out more than five times a week (which couples have been known to do) adds about 290 calories on average to your daily diet—that's the equivalent of 30 pounds a year!

Your Coworkers

A study in Eating Behaviors found that when female coworkers teamed up to lose weight, they were more likely to exercise and dropped more pounds early on. Ask your workplace to start an official fitness-incentive program. Studies have shown that they encourage employees to set and meet weekly fitness goals while also increasing productivity. Or kick off your own Biggest Loser-style competition complete with weigh-ins and lunch-hour challenges like power walks, spin classes, or yoga sessions.

Source
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/online-weight-loss