How your friends make you fat—the social network of weight

One of the big health news stories of 2007 was a study showing that your friends influence the size of your waist (and the rest of your body). Like any study, it raised as many questions as it answered, including whythis happens. A new study from Arizona State University looked into that question by testing three pathways by which friends might influence one another’s body size:

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1. Collaboration. Over time, you might start to share the ideas of the people close to you after talking with them about what the proper body size is. Then you might choose your food and exercise habits in order to reach that body size, whether that means eating more food to look like your plus-sized friends, or less food to look like your thin ones.
2. Peer pressure. You feel bullied into trying to look like your friends and family members. They make you feel bad about your body, so you go about eating and exercising to look like them.
3. Monkey see, monkey do. You change your habits to mirror those of your friends without necessarily thinking or talking about an ideal body weight. Alexandra Brewis Slade, PhD, one of the Arizona State researchers, gave an example of this pathway that most of us can relate to: You’re at a restaurant with friends and the waiter brings over the dessert menu. Everyone else decides not to order anything, so you pass, too, even though you were dying for a piece of chocolate mousse cake.

All three of these pathways are based on the idea that loved ones share social norms, the implicit cultural beliefs that make some things okay, others not.

To test which if any of these pathways affect weight, the researchers recruited 112 women between the ages of 18 and 45 years; half of them were overweight or obese. The researchers then contacted male and female friends, spouses, family members, and coworkers of these women, and ended up with 812 pairs. All of the people were asked about their weight and their feelings about and perceptions of body weight.

The results confirmed the 2007 study’s conclusion that if you have heavier friends, family members, and colleagues, it is more likely that you will be heavier, too. The stronger the relationship between the two people, the stronger the link between their weights. But only one of the pathways—number three—explained why people of the same size clustered together. The study was published in the American Journal of Public Health on May 9, 2011.

“I was surprised,” Dr. Brewis Slade told me during a phone interview. “I would have thought that pathway number two was the most powerful, since it’s really about your struggle to meet other people’s expectations, but it turns out it’s not the best explanation. The key message is that behavior and what people do together is important. So parents might want to go bicycling with their kids, go to a salad bar with kids, focus on what they do together.”

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There are, of course, many reasons why people gain weight, and the Arizona State study provides only one possibility. But it also provides another motivation for each of us to make healthy choices—they help not only our own waistlines, but those of our friends and family, too.

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Why your friends don't want you to lose weight

Every group of friends needs a 'fat one'. Craig Morris explains how to make sure it isn't you

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The Goonies had Chunk, Take That had Gary Barlow, the college fraternity of Robot House from Futurama had Fat Bot and your mates have, um, you.

Sorry, but it seems to be an unshakeable cliché that every group of friends needs a Fat One; someone to be the lovable, chubby butt of all the pie jokes; to make the other members of the group look and feel slimmer in comparison. So what happens when you decide to lose weight and decide you no longer want to be that person?

The people you work with, live with and socialise with can have a huge impact on your weight loss, because they have the power to inform everything from your diet and fitness regime to your self-esteem. This can be a real positive if they’re cheering you on, but the danger arises when this power is wielded irresponsibly. As Men’s Health Forum editor Martin Tod puts it, “Men are less likely to recognise that they’re overweight than women – and less likely to consider being overweight a risk to their health – so male friends will probably start off less than sympathetic.”

The problem may be that your mates don’t want you to lose weight. This problem tends to manifest itself in one of three ways. The first, and easiest to recognise, is bullying. Because social occasions for groups of male friends tend to revolve around food and alcohol, a positive change in behaviour for one member of the group can serve to highlight the extravagant behaviour of the rest. As Martin Tod says, “Sometimes it's easier to make a joke about someone who's trying to lose weight than to confront that you might need to do it yourself.”

It’s all too easy to chalk this stuff up as friendly banter, but as Tod warns, banter can be harmful and counterproductive. When your mates are mocking you for ordering salad at the steakhouse or struggling to do your first sit-up, they’re bullying you every bit as much as when they used to get you to perform the Truffle Shuffle back in school. As Tod advises, this behaviour stems from a psychology of hierarchy that exists in male peer groups. If the alpha male types become threatened it’s natural to respond to a threat with increased aggression; albeit that tends to be passive aggression rather than pinning you down and scenting you with their urine (if that happens, you definitely need new mates).

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The second, slightly less obvious way in which your mates can ruin your diet is misplaced advocacy. This is where your friends, seemingly with their hearts in the right place, belittle your lifestyle choices by insisting that having dessert “won’t kill you”, or telling you with cast-iron certainty that you need to do P90X or you don’t stand a chance.

Registered Dietician Aisling Pigott of the British Dietetic Association explains that in this behaviour stems from social politeness, “It’s the desire to ensure our mates don’t go without,” she says. “It’s the reason we continue to offer that extra lager or bag of chips, even if they are aware that the person is trying to lose weight.”

From Tod’s perspective, the problem is that men tend to prefer to be more proactive than reactive; we prefer to weigh in with our own opinions and be problem-solvers, rather than be supportive good listeners. All well and good when we have expert knowledge of a given subject, but we’re all too happy to blag it when we don’t know what we’re talking about.

The third, manifestation of your mates not supporting you is pure-and-simple apathy. It’s unlikely that your social circle will consciously aim to sabotage your efforts (see the note about urine above if so), but the bottom line is that people don’t like change and will usually do anything to maintain the status quo, so if you find that your mates are ribbing you for the “rabbit food” on your plate, or for cutting down on the lager and pub snacks, or for the way you look in your sweatpants, it’s important that you understand their motives. Once you realise that this behaviour says more about them than it does you, you’ll be able to look at ways to combat it.

So, once you understand the negative effect your friends are having on your weight loss, what can you do about it?

Solution: Cut negative people out of your life

Let’s start with the bullies. The extreme solution would be to cut these people out of your life. It’s like your mum always said, if they were your real friends they would understand and support you. Assuming they have some redeeming characteristics, the answer here would be to accept that support isn’t their strong suit and simply put the worst offenders on the back burner for a while, until your diet is more firmly on course. If you can’t cut them out, dilute them – think of the positive people in your life and drop them a text about a game of squash.

Solution: Understand where they’re coming from

The key to this, as with all bullying, is to recognise that it’s all about self-esteem. When your mates are belting out “Who Ate All the Pies?” the object is not to make you feel bad, but to make themselves feel good. We each carry our own personal feelings of inadequacy and the secret is that we’re all pretty much as crazy as each other and they’ll have their own concerns they don’t want highlighting. When you start to lose weight the bully now begins to fear that the focus will turn to his baldness, shortness, and/or inability to pronounce the letter ‘R’.

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Solution: Watch your language

Start talking about your weight loss efforts in a different way. Martin Tod suggests that some of the negative associations men hold with dieting might simply be about the terms we use. “You’re probably more likely to have the piss taken out of you if you say you’re dieting than if you say you’re getting fit. Men aren’t too keen on the ‘D’ word” - perhaps because products like Diet Coke are marketed so squarely at women, making a diet a somewhat emasculating prospect for a bloke.”

Instead, focus on your exercise regime and how much stronger and fitter you’re getting. Focus on the foods that are enabling you to smash through your personal bests. You’re beefing up on protein to increase your lean muscle mass and you’re balancing all the cardio by massively increasing your nutrient intake with vitamin-rich foods. Throw in some impressive-sounding terms and a statistic or two and they’ll be hooked.

Solution: Get honest and explain why you need this to work

Guys who have a healthy relationship with food never understand the rest of us who don’t. The men who claim they can “eat anything and never put on any weight” don’t have some kind of superhuman metabolism; they just don’t know what it means to truly overeat; habitually, without heed. Explain how you feel about it. Tell your mates that you can’t give yourself an inch without taking a mile; that allowing yourself to let the diet slip for a day can set you down a slippery slope. If you decide that placating them is the easier option all round, plan ahead so you can fit the odd treat into your lifestyle without blowing the whole thing and jumping crazed into a Scrooge McDuck-style vault full of chocolate coins.

Solution: Involve your friends in your weight loss

This brings us to the final tactic you can employ to get all of your friends onside, no matter which category they fall into, and that’s getting them involved. Martin Tod says, “Your mates can be a great support - particularly if they decide to join you in tackling their weight and improving their fitness as well.” This could be something as simple as getting them competitive and organising a kick-about before the pub, or it could be something monumental, like training together for an actual marathon and raising a few sovs for a charity close to your hearts.

Aisling Pigott explains that you might also want to find a new HQ. With 1g of alcohol containing almost as many calories as 1g of fat, alcohol is a diet-killer for many reasons. “Despite being very energy dense, alcohol stimulates most peoples’ appetites, leading to feelings of hunger. And because alcohol lowers our inhibitions, this in combination with stimulating appetite often leads to a trip down to the kebab shop.”

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The “Friend Diet”: How Your Social Circle Can Help You Lose Weight

Did you know that if your two best friends are fat, you’re 150% more likely to be fat, too?

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Obesity spreads like a cold or the flu. The Framingham Heart Study–data on the health and well-being of people in the town of Framingham, Massachusetts, spanning three generations back to 1948–shows that people with a friend who became clinically obese were 57 percent more likely to become obese, too.

Astonishingly, you don’t even have to know someone to be influenced by them. In Framingham, people whose friend’s got fat were 20 percent more likely to gain weight, too!

The research–by Harvard’s Nicholas A. Christakis and UC San Diego’s James H. Fowler, authors of “Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How they Shape Our Lives”–shows the powerful influence of social networks on our health.

What–if anything–can you do to ensure the social influences shaping you are healthy ones?

• Join a group of Active People. A walking group, a sports team, even a gardening club–all these are likely to help you build the kinds of friendships that will encourage an active, healthy life. Your local chapter of the Sierra Club will likely have organized physical activities likes hikes, skiing, and camping trips. Just show up–you’re sure to meet people who will encourage you to stay active.

• Find a Healthy Mentor. Blogger Jeff Goins recommends the following steps: 1. find someone you want to be like; 2. study him to see what his habits are; and 3. take your time before making the request. But it doesn’t stop there–one of the most important steps is to show appreciation for all that your mentor does.

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• Date Someone Active. You mate has a huge effect on your behavior. One study in Israel showed that the wives of men who were participating in a weight loss program lost weight themselves when they learned about the diet—even though they weren’t officially dieting. If you don’t have a partner, find one! Websites like eHarmony.com can be a great resource. If you struggle with dating, hire a coach—someone like Evan Marc Katz 

Turns out that weight gain (or loss) isn’t the only thing we “catch” from our friends.  Smoking, excessive drinking, tendency to divorce and even unhappiness are also contagious.  So, know that your friends impact you–and if you don’t have enough of the good ones, go on a Healthy Friend Diet!

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Why Your Friends Can Be Bad For Your Weight

Being overweight is often viewed as a failure of personal responsibility.

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“She just hasn’t tried hard enough.”

“He eats too much sugar and he knows it’s bad, but he won’t give it up.”

“Gosh, she’s reeeeally let herself go.”

While personal habits are part of the weight-loss equation, the idea that they’re the only factor is misguided.

“The notion that we are somehow islands when it comes to our weight simply isn’t true,” write Walter Willett and Malissa Wood in Thinfluence: The Powerful and Surprising Effect Friends, Family, Work, and Environment Have on Weight.

As hormonal and other physiological changes in midlife make unwanted pounds easier to put on than take off, it is important to remember that many other factors come into play, including how much money you make, local and national politics, the ubiquity of fast (and often unhealthy) foods, even the design of many homes (think of how many contemporary dining areas are outfitted with, or adjacent to, a television — a distraction that can cause you to unwittingly eat more than you think you have).

“We encounter influences like these and more every day,” the authors write. “They are often so commonplace and subtle, they have become invisible — until they hit our waistlines, that is. These ‘blind spots’ affect our efforts to lose or maintain our weight. And their impact is considerable.”

One of the major factors — and the emphasis of Willett's and Wood’s book — is who you hang out with. Social networks, their research says, play a significant role in weight.

Wood is a clinical cardiologist, staff physician at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and assistant professor of clinical medicine at Harvard Medical School. I talked with her about the power of "thinfluence" and what everyone needs know about maintaining a healthy weight in midlife.

Next Avenue: What is Thinfluence?

Wood: It is very hard to be the one person making a healthy change in a group of heavy people who like to eat and don’t like to exercise. But losing weight is isolating if you don’t engage other people in the process.

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If you want to lose weight, you need to find people who support that behavior. Most often, the friends you have who are overweight are not going to want to change. If you decide to break the norm, you will be isolated. You need to find even just one person in your circle who wants to do what you’re doing  — or find someone else outside that circle.

What hurdles do people face when they’re looking to surround themselves with more health-motivated friends?

Stigma deeply affects weight loss efforts because people are embarrassed to go out in public. I love when I see a really heavy person racing in an event; it takes a lot of strength to do that. I did a triathlon a few weeks ago and the last finisher was a 350-pound woman. To surround yourself with people so different is hard.

That is the basis of our book: We surround ourselves with people who are like us. So if people want to lose weight, they have to hang out with people different than themselves in order to get to a better place.

Some people say, “Sure, social networks might affect some people, but not me. Obesity just runs in my family.” What do you tell them?

Plenty of people have a family history of obesity and are not obese. The biggest thing is recognizing you have that risk and you have to work harder to avoid the downstream effect.

Epigenetics [the ability to influence gene expression through behavior and lifestyle modification] affects genes and weight. So it’s important to recognize that you’re at risk and change your behavior. You could consult an obesity specialist and say, ‘What are my options?’

What is unique about weight gain and weight loss in midlife?

I’m the perfect person to ask. I’m 51, and once you pass age 40, your body biology changes. And what worked in past — say, skipping a meal or two — doesn’t work. You have to eat regular meals and exercise.

Most people coast through their 40s; I recommend treating the 40s as a bootcamp for midlife. Start minimizing sugars and ramp up exercise because it will be easier when the 50s come. Eat a little less bread and fewer French fries. These small changes can have a huge impact, and a gradual change in your 40s is much easier than making a drastic change when you hit 50.

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If you find you’ve put on pounds in midlife, you need to be more aggressive about exercise. Look at each day and say, ‘Where do I have fifteen or twenty minutes today to fit in exercise?’

What you do ninety percent of the time affects your health; what you do ten percent of the time doesn’t. If you have a business dinner, you may think, ‘All bets are off.' No. Those things matter. If you stick with it most of the time, you will see the benefits, and those small changes will have a long lasting effect.

How can people find new social networks that support weight loss?

Whatever poor choices you make, you will gravitate toward people who make those same bad choices. But all it takes to change is one person. You just have to find one person.

Look at your friends: If they support better health, stick with them. If they’re keeping you from achieving better health or encouraging you to make choices that don’t support your health, then find new groups. Go to a race, bump into someone from your past, go walk the track in the morning.

You don’t have to abandon friends and family; you just need to have more support during change so you can achieve success.

Here’s an example: I went to do a race, but I hadn’t been exercising a lot before then. I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in 30 years. She hadn’t been exercising regularly much either. So we were like, ‘Let’s eat healthier and exercise together.’ It’s important to realize that people who will support you are out there; you just need to find them.

What one thing would you want everyone to walk away from this interview knowing?

It is never too late to change. One little step at time makes a huge difference, and within a year you can make substantial changes.

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Are Your Friends a Fat Influence?

Research shows that your ability to lose weight now 

hinges on who you hang out with

Chances are, you've dined with a friend and had a scenario like this unfold: You start salivating over the idea of ordering linguine carbonara, but tell yourself, Oh, I really shouldn't. Then your friend requests that very dish before snapping the menu shut and handing it to the waiter. "Make it two," you say. And there goes your diet.

Friends' health decisions have a funny way of rubbing off on us. So important is their power that the World Health Organization lists them as a determinant of health, as big a factor as genetics and income level. In fact, understanding how pals shape one another's health behavior has top billing in Healthy People 2010, the government's plan for improving national well-being.

Research has found that smoking, deciding to get the flu shot, and taking vitamins are all socially contagious behaviors. But where our friends have perhaps the most influence is on how much we eat, drink, and exercise.

The (Fudge) Ripple Effect
Having a buddy who packs on pounds makes you 57 percent more likely to do so yourself, according to the key findings of James Fowler, Ph.D., a professor at the University of California at San Diego, and Nicholas Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., a sociology professor at Harvard, who have studied social networks for 10 years. "Consciously or unconsciously, people look to others when deciding what and how much to eat, and how much weight is too much," says Fowler.

So while you weren't planning to even glance at the dessert menu, you might change your mind when everyone else orders brownie sundaes. In some cases, we may even seek out relationships that allow us to indulge, says Susan Bowerman, R.D., of UCLA's Center for Human Nutrition. "Many women have 'food friends' they can call up to say, 'I had a lousy day and some fried mozzarella sticks sure would make me feel better.'"

Your social circle influences your drinking habits too. Alcohol is a notorious diet buster (if you can resist a nacho after a margarita, bless you), and according to University of Pennsylvania researchers, drinking is among the "risk behaviors" that they found study participants were twice as likely to engage in if their friends did.

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Part of the reason we're so easily swayed may be hardwired. Gregory Berns, M.D., Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and economics at Emory University, found that when others influence us, the area of our brain that makes conscious decisions is not activated. Instead, the occipital lobe, where vision originates, lights up. Translation: We focus on what we see other people doing (like biting into a cupcake), not what we know is right for ourselves (biting into an apple).

Unhealthy Competition
Copycatting isn't always bad for your waistline. Research has found that you are just as likely to pick up good habits from pals. If everyone is ordering salad, do you want to be the one to splurge on a burger and fries? Same goes for booze. "We want to behave appropriately, to make a good impression on others," says Patricia Pliner, Ph.D., professor at the University of Toronto at Mississauga.

Sounds admirable, right? Well, there's often a subtext in these civilized dinner scenes. When two girlfriends are competitive with each other—over guys, work, grades—it can manifest at the table. Undereating is a form of one-upmanship. In her study, Pliner found that when women competed against each other in a variety of skills, those who thought they were losing chose lighter entrees than their rivals at lunchtime. "It was their way of winning," Pliner says. In another study, researchers found that even after being literally starved for more than 24 hours, women would consume only as much food (in some cases, as little as 300 calories) as their companions did.

Things can get especially ugly when friends try to sabotage each other—for instance, pressuring a dieting pal to go ahead and order those french fries or skip the gym. "We don't want to be reminded of our own struggles with weight by watching a healthy eater make careful choices," Bowerman says. "We want her to join our club."

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Set Your Own Agenda
Hanging with a calorie-conscious crew may keep you on the slim side, but what happens when you join a new club, move to a new town, or start a new job and begin socializing with a new group—one that eats fruit only if it's in a pie? Hint: You'll need to buy some new jeans. That's why it's important to get into the habit of making your own decisions about food. "Being aware of how others influence us is an important first step," says Brent McFerran, Ph.D., an assistant professor of marketing at the University of British Columbia. "If you recognize where you're likely to follow the crowd, you can correct your course." He recommends pre-committing to your meal when you can: Bring your lunch to work, or if you're eating out, be the one who orders first. You'll find that a little independence will keep you healthier and happier in the long run. 

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Are your friends making you fat?

Is your social circle making you fat? There are a number of triggers for weight gain that many women never consider.

Love is probably not the first thing that springs to mind when you're looking for somewhere to lay the blame for a bout of weight gain. But research has shown that all your relationships, from your significant other to your platonic friendships, can influence your weight. Think it sounds crazy? You might be surprised.

Diet flashpoint: Getting married

Both men and women are twice as likely to pile on the kilos when they marry as people who are just dating. A University of North Carolina study also found that, for women, even just cohabiting with a partner made them 63 per cent more likely to put on weight.

Dr Lauren Williams, from the University of Newcastle, says: "Sociologically, we're no longer trying to attract a mate after we've settled down, so that can have a negative effect on our desire to maintain what we see as an 'attractive' weight."For women, living with a man can mean eating more than we're used to. "We get used to serving and eating bigger meals, or eating dessert regularly, and without an increase in physical activity, that can result in weight gain," says Dr Williams.

Diet flashpoint: Starting a family

While you'll obviously put on weight when you fall pregnant, you might be surprised to learn that your partner probably will too - about 6.35 kilograms on average, according to a British survey conducted lastyear.The reason for the gain in girth? Respondents listed reasons such as snacks being more readily available and being served larger meals by their pregnant partners.

Unfortunately the survey also found that only 30 per cent of the men who gained weight tried to shed it once the baby was born.

Diet flashpoint: Ending a relationship

For females, a break-up can spell bad news for our weight, but not so for men, with UK researchers finding that women tend to gain weight when they end a relationship, but men don't. The researchers suggest it's because women are more likely to turn to food to deal with emotional stress.

Diet flashpoint: An overweight friend

A US study published in 2007, which tracked more than 12,000 people over a 32-year period, found that your chances of becoming overweight increase by a whopping 57 per cent if you have a friend - particularly a same-sex friend - who is overweight. A similar 2008 study found that, without being aware of it, people tend to "keep up with the Joneses" when it comes to weight.Clinical health psychologist Dr Leah Brennan says the fact that Australians are bigger than we used to be doesn't help. "We have a new 'normal' in terms of which body weights are acceptable. People also tend to have an image of what they consider overweight or obese, and as long as they're smaller than that, it's easy to think they're okay."

Diet flashpoint: Overweight sibling

The same US study discovered that, among adult siblings, if one becomes obese, the chance that the other will follow in their footsteps increases by 40 per cent. The familial link to obesity is well established. A 2004 Stanford University study found having overweight parents put children at the greatest risk of being overweight, and a British study released in 2009 found that obese mums were 10 times more likely to have obese daughters, while obese dads were six times as likely to have obese sons.

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How to help a loved one lose weight

The key to achieving this goal is teamwork and kindness, discovers Catherine Lambert

Weight can be a tricky subject to discuss, let alone conquer, which is why experts say the key to helping a loved one shed the kilos is to be supportive rather than instructive. You want to be compassionate, not a boot camp leader.

It’s also important not to judge and to remember that it’s rare for an overweight or obese person to be happy with themselves, despite what they may say.

Fitness author and trainer Donna Aston says committing to any sort of change also makes you vulnerable to failure or judgement. “If someone is over-eating to a degree where they become overweight there’s some deep-seated anxiety,” she says.

The decision to lose weight is very personal to the individual. It can be the result of a simple trigger or a more complex acceptance of responsibility for their own body and a shift in identity.

“I know a man who’s 40 years old and 50kg overweight but his wife affectionately calls him her ‘big teddy bear’ so if he loses that weight he loses his presence for her,” she says. “She’s feeding that (unhealthy) identity that he sees as a term of endearment.”

Between couples, the reason to lose weight should be more about health rather than sexual appeal or looking better in clothes because superficial motivators only work in the short-term, Aston says.

“If getting stronger, fitter and reducing the risk of disease is the goal, it has more chance of lasting because it’s not just about aesthetics,” she adds.

“When someone comes to me in a defensive frame of mind because they expect me to tell them what to do, I purposely don’t do it. I get them to tell me what they want to do and I offer support on how to get there. 

“The thing I know about men is that they always want to be the ones who fix things and so solutions have to be − or seem to be − their idea,” she adds.

Accredited practising dietitian Tania Ferraretto agrees that it’s crucial for friends, partners or family not to focus on the appearance value of losing weight: “It’s such a sensitive issue and people’s relationship with food is often very complicated.”

For this reason, the first thing to consider is the psychological or emotional aspects of a loved one’s weight issues, for which it can be useful to consult a specialist counsellor who can help them fully explore their relationship with food.

Alongside a workout program, they’ll also need a dietary plan that caters for increased activity and removes unhealthy eating patterns. 

Lastly, aim to give them support as well as the space to take control of their goals. This will help them feel ready to take the first step, and overcome the biggest hurdle of starting their weight-loss journey. 

Michael's story

Michael Clark, 35, is the first to admit that he put his wife through a lot of frustration and annoyance until he decided to lose weight.

Throughout their relationship, Michael had been overweight while his slim and fit wife, Beth Loveday, looked on in fear that their long-term plans could be cut short because his health was at significant risk.

“You like to think the person you choose as a life partner can stick around,’’ Beth says. 

“Michael is a very intelligent man and it used to frustrate me that he wouldn’t make the effort to lose weight. Like any addiction, he lied to himself and he lied to me about what he ate.’’

For Michael, any suggestions from his wife about his food choices prompted a “volcanic” reaction. It made him feel rejected and unattractive.

“She was talking to me about it for 11-and-a-half years and I’d shut it down, get angry or accuse her of not loving me,’’ he says. 

“I felt she was attacking me when I should have known that the mere fact she started going out with me and stayed with me when I was so overweight proved she loved me. Now I wonder how she could have stayed with me.”

In 2011, Michael started a training program that Aston devised for him, and stuck to a diet of 30 per cent carbs, 30 per cent protein and 30 per cent fats. He gradually lost 37.2kg and has kept it off. He says he now enjoys a greater quality of life with his young family.

Michael now enjoys a greater quality of life with his wife, Beth, and their son Hamish

10 tips for partners from fitness expert Donna Aston

1. Broach the topic with open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.

2. Get their input. Decisions must come from them.

3. Never criticise, preach to or judge your loved one. 

4. Offer support rather than enforcing rules.

5. Participate yourself and lead by example.

6. Empathy is vital. Put yourself in their shoes.

7. Make it all about being healthy and strong rather than what the scales say.

8. Changes need to be for life; don’t be seduced by fads.

9. Accept that a lifetime of habits can take months to change.

10. If you feel as if you’re too emotionally involved to help, seek professional advice.

Source
http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/weight+loss/lose+weight/how+to+help+a+loved+one+lose+weight,36643

Social Support & Weight Loss

Even if you're highly motivated when you start a weight-loss diet, sticking with it until you reach your goal is a challenge. Losing weight is even more difficult if your friends, spouse or children don't support your efforts. A good way to keep yourself inspired is to connect with other people who are dieting. Successful weight loss is strongly associated with social support, according to Psychology Today. There are many options available.

Nonprofit Support Groups

Join a nonprofit group in your community for weight-loss support. Take Off Pounds Sensibly, or TOPS, encourages a nutritionally sound diet and gradual weight loss. Members can attend weekly meetings for support and education. Members pay a fee but the program costs less than commercial programs, according to Colorado State University Extension. Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step group meeting for people who believe they overeat compulsively. It focuses on the mental and physical aspects of overeating and does not offer advice about food, diets or weight loss. No fees are charged. If these groups aren't available in your community, you can "attend" their meetings online.

Commercial Diet Program Support

You can find social support, motivation and education about diet and exercise at Weight Watchers, the commercial diet program known for its group meetings. The meetings are considered an important factor in the program's effectiveness, according to U.S. News Health. The Weight Watchers program is based on a balanced diet, exercise and gradual weight loss.

Internet Weight-Loss Communities

If you want social support for weight loss that is convenient or anonymous, consider joining a group on the Internet. Researchers who studied a large Internet weight loss community found active forum discussions with themes that included motivation, encouragement, shared experiences, friendly competition and recognition for success. This community played an important role in the weight loss efforts of its members, according to a study reported in the "International Journal of Medical Informatics."

Weight-Management Coaching

Partner with a weight-management coach for social support and motivation. A small study performed at the Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center at Miriam Hospital in Rhode Island found that dieters who were paired with a coach lost a significant amount of weight over six months. Surprisingly, they lost the same amount of weight whether the coach was a behavioral specialist or simply a peer who was also participating in the study. The support of another person who watches over you, holds you accountable and roots for your success can make a difference.

Support Through Social Media

Psychologist and weight-management expert Sherry Pagoto advises dieters to seek social support through social media. Consider starting your own blog or making use of Facebook or Twitter to find a supportive social circle of like-minded individuals. Create a free Facebook community page and post daily about your progress. Include links to articles, videos and recipes to add interest. People who "like" your page will receive regular updates. Starting a blog is another way to share your thoughts, challenges and progress with others as you lose weight. Over time you will attract readers and commenters, says Pagoto. Tweet or post your blog entries to Facebook to reach even more people.

Source
http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/social-support-weight-loss-8426.html
References

• International Journal of Medical Informatics: Social Support in an Internet Weight Loss Community
• Psychology Today: How Social Media Can Help You Lose Weight
• Time: Want to Lose Weight? A Coach or a Buddy Can Help Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/07/31/want-to-lose-weight-a-coach-or-a-buddy-can-help/#ixzz2M9TEsy1Y
• U.S. News Health: Health Buzz: Weight Watchers Is Effective
• Colorado State University Extension: Weight Loss Products and Programs

4 Ways Your Social Network Can Help You Slim Down

Research shows that everyone in your orbit can have a big influence on how much weight you gain or lose. Ensure that those closest to you tip the scale in your favor by following these simple guidelines.

Your BFF

A study in The New England Journal of Medicine found that your friends may increase your odds of gaining weight by 57 percent. "Women tend to match each other's behavior at the table," says Atlanta nutritionist Marisa Moore, R.D. Let your pal order first—she'll feel pressure to set a good example, and you'll likely follow her lead. And don't invite your whole clique— a recent study in the journal Appetite found that ladies who lunched with four friends averaged 150 calories more per meal than those who dined with three.

Your Dog

Walking your pooch will shrink your paunch. In a study at the University of Missouri-Columbia, volunteers who got 30 minutes of leash time five times a week dropped an average of 14 pounds in a year. On bad-weather days, play indoor games, like chasing your dog up and down the stairs, to help burn up his energy and your lunchtime burrito, suggests Robert Kushner, M.D., coauthor of Fitness Unleashed! A Dog and Owner's Guide to Losing Weight and Gaining Health Together.

Your Guy

Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that women who live with a romantic partner increase their risk of becoming obese by 63 percent, and those who marry more than double it. But couples also have an easier time taking weight off: Duke University researchers discovered that people were 50 percent more likely to start exercising if their partner joined them. Get your guy to work up a sweat with you by bike riding, running, or ice skating. And have him help out on the food front by cooking together at home. An FDA report found that eating out more than five times a week (which couples have been known to do) adds about 290 calories on average to your daily diet—that's the equivalent of 30 pounds a year!

Your Coworkers

A study in Eating Behaviors found that when female coworkers teamed up to lose weight, they were more likely to exercise and dropped more pounds early on. Ask your workplace to start an official fitness-incentive program. Studies have shown that they encourage employees to set and meet weekly fitness goals while also increasing productivity. Or kick off your own Biggest Loser-style competition complete with weigh-ins and lunch-hour challenges like power walks, spin classes, or yoga sessions.

Source
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/online-weight-loss